One Flag Montasneyland

A few weeks before our trip to Montana this summer, my mom called to suggest that I order a Groupon-type deal from the Billings Gazette.  It was a coupon for cheap mini golf and rides at a local amusement park/drive-in movie theater.  She didn’t know anything about the park but the deal looked good so my siblings and I all jumped on it.  For nine dollars per family, we would each get an afternoon of fun.  We thought.

The problems started when we arrived in Billings and called to find out the park hours.  The answering machine message was vague, not listing hours.  In fact, the only thing it said very definitively was not to leave any messages after the beep because they would not be returned.  BEEP!  We checked the website but frivolous details like hours of operation were not listed.

After calling at various times for a few days, we ended up driving out to the location several miles away, only to find that the new and incomplete amusement park was sort of an afterthought to the drive-in.  We couldn’t see the mini golf from the ticket booth and were told that it was only open for less than two hours immediately preceding the movie.  In fact, it opened after all our kids were normally in bed.

Since it was vacation, and since we are oh-so-very cheap and wanted get our nine bucks-worth if it killed us, we decided to keep the kids up and give it a try.  Setting the expectations very low, I told the kids it wouldn’t be much, gave them each a box of crackerjacks and some glow bracelets to distract them and we were on our way.

Parking behind the movie screen next to an abandoned school bus with broken windows, the other adults and I looked around with wide eyes.  Accustomed to mini golf courses with water features and elaborate animatronics, we were a little underwhelmed by the nine flat, simple holes scattered on the gravel pad below the screen.  We picked out our own putters from a storage area where they were hidden beneath a motorcycle helmet and behind a pressure washer.

The kids’ eyes were ablaze with the excitement of it all.  A baby bunny even hopped across one of the holes as we were putting.  Best. Day. Ever.

Then there were the rides!  Old school carnival rides coaxed gently back to life. We’ve been on more exciting rides at our local petting zoo.  The rollercoaster went in an oval around the screen with a couple of small hills.  No loops.  No drops.  No passengers over the age of tiny allowed. 

“Wow!  This place is kind of like Disneyland!” I said to Magoo, but mostly to the other adults in our party, with a little laugh.  His eyes were growing huge as he looked around him.

“Yeah!”  He gasped, “It really IS!”

His older cousins agreed.  They giggled and squealed, shrieked and cheered as they rode down the giant slide, traveled less than one mile an hour on the microscopic Ferris wheel, and went around and around and around on the rollercoaster that at first glance looked like its track was constructed out of PVC pipe.  My brother-in-law nicknamed the place One Flag Montasneyland and a treasured family legend was born.

I’ve rarely seen my kids have that much fun and it was delightful and humbling.  I was more than a little embarrassed that I’d initially turned my nose up at the whole experience.  There’s something refreshing about seeing the world through the eyes of a child, something that makes you grateful and fills you with wonder at the littlest things.

What it does not make you do is take the kids to the big $40/person amusement park in Utah the following week when you go to visit the other grandparents.  As Dan so wisely said, “If they thought ‘One Flag Montasneyland’ was the best thing ever, why waste the money just to show them what else is out there?”  He’s a wise man.

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The Terrible Twos, or Mom Just Sucks?

I was talking to someone recently who told me his daughter, who’s now eight, never went through the Terrible Twos. She was a colicky baby for the first four months of her life, then, he says, it was smooth sailing from there. I had a really hard time believing him, because although I’ve publicly and unabashedly gushed on this blog and to anyone who will listen that I have The Perfect Child, and he was also The Perfect Baby (and I still believe this to be true), he is most definitely going through the Terrible Twos right now, and has been for a few months (he officially turns two on August 29). The tantrums have not only increased in their frequency, they’ve increased in their intensity. There are moments during these tantrums when my own child is almost unrecognizable to me…

Jay and I will look at each other in amazement when, as we put it, he’s been possessed by the devil. A couple of weeks ago Preston had a tantrum so epic it lasted about an hour and a half—we were so taken aback, we looked at each other and said aloud, “What the [bleep] is wrong with this kid?” (Notice, we said, This kid, not our kid.) And no amount of consoling works when he’s in the midst of a tantrum like this. None of our usual tactics (“Yo Gabba Gabba,” veggie booty, apple juice, cookies, a bottle…) work any more. In fact, he uses these baits against us when we try them. If we attempt to console him with a sippy cup of apple juice he’ll take that sippy cup and throw it across the room. Then he’ll cry for the sippy cup, as if we’re withholding it from him. (Huh?) Then we’ll go get it and give it back to him, and he’ll grab it from us furiously with an evil look in his eye, and whip it across the room again. Good times at the Gorensteins lately.

We figured out pretty quickly that giving into these crazy acts of random outrageous behavior isn’t helping. But it makes him even angrier when we don’t give in so it’s a lose-lose either way. The kind of tantrums I’m talking about can be brought on by me saying no to something, or him just being over-tired or crabby from teething (he has four big teeth coming in at the same time). These tantrums are of the slithering on the floor, hysterical crying, screaming at the top of his insanely powerful lungs, and I’m-about-to-hurt-myself or anyone-who-gets-in-my-way variety. Put it this way: They’re freaking scary.

On Saturday he had three separate meltdowns, and three separate “time outs,” before the clock struck 10 a.m. We had a great day planned, to spend it at my best friend’s house in the ‘burbs and go swimming, but before we could even get out of the house I had to deal with the devil all morning (he’s been waking up early for him lately, around 7-7:30 a.m., and he wakes up screaming, “Mom? Mommy? Mommy! MOMMMMM-EEEEEEE!!!!!”).

The first tantrum started because I wouldn’t let him use my toothbrush, after he had already brushed his teeth three times with three different toothbrushes. Preston’s newest obsession, by the way, is—yup—brushing his teeth. I know what you’re thinking: “Your kid loves brushing his teeth, and you’re complaining about it!?” Of course I know there are worse things for a kid to be obsessed with doing, but this fetish with brushing his teeth means every time he sees a toothbrush he will whine, scream, cry and eventually throw a fit until he gets it in his mouth. I don’t think swapping toothbrushes, even with his parents, is the most hygienic thing in the world for us to let him do. Our toothbrushes are in plain view in our bathroom (which we’ll be changing tonight), so he knows exactly where they are, and routinely goes into our bathroom and demands them. All of them.

We thought this was funny and cute at first: “Oh, honey, look what great parents we are—he likes brushing his teeth!” Now it’s a bit of a problem, because he will not leave our bathroom until he gets to every toothbrush, then insists on running around the house with one in his mouth (can you say choking hazard?). For some reason my husband and I have more toothbrushes than we need, so we have like four out at a time (this, too, will be changing). And Preston has had every one of them in his little, drooling mouth. Plus, he has about four of his own toothbrushes that I’ve planted in every bathroom. But he still wants OURS. I’ve even gotten him adult-sized toothbrushes that look EXACTLY like ours, but noooo. He wants ours.

So on Saturday I put my foot down after the third teeth cleaning when he was screaming for my toothbrush, and he freaked the hell out when I said, “We’re done brushing our teeth, Preston, let’s get ready to go bye-bye car.” I had been trying to get us ready to leave the house for an hour, and I lost my patience and had to physically remove him from my bathroom. In a huff he angrily crawled away over to his play area and began throwing every toy he could immediately get his hands on, all over the darn place. By the time I reached him, his den and the adjacent kitchen was a total disaster. I told him he had to pick up all the toys he was throwing. “We don’t throw our toys, Preston,” I said sternly, and I warned him he would go in a “time out” if he didn’t pick them all up. He must’ve heard me say the opposite because he started throwing the heavier wooden toys that could actually make a dent in our beautiful hardwood floors.

So in a time out he went…which only served to feed the beast inside him more. I did manage to take everything out of his crib before he had a chance to throw it on the floor when I put him in there for a time out. (I think that only angered him more though.) It only got worse from there… After about a minute or two I went in to console him (he was still crying during this whole dramatic episode), and I tried to talk to him, calmly, and explain that we don’t throw and we don’t hit (which he’s also been doing lately). I asked him to say sorry for throwing his toys—I got what seemed like a sincere “sowwwy” and a hug—and I thought we were in the clear.

Nope.

My husband took on the task of feeding him breakfast before we left, while I finished packing us up, and that ended with Preston dumping his whole plate of food on the floor. We turned the corner back to Time Out Road and Tantrum Street. I don’t even remember now what the third meltdown was about, but it doesn’t really matter… It was by some miracle we ever made it out of the house on Saturday. And shockingly? The rest of the day was great, starting from the minute we exited the house. We were even able to nap him it at my friend’s house, so we could stay and hang out and have dinner together (a couple hours of swimming is the best way to wipe a kid out).

I have my own theories about why he’s been having these epic tantrums lately. 1) I’ve been working more than usual the last couple of months, both at the office and doing more freelance writing, and thusly not around as much. I was out of town last weekend for work, and returned to some pretty major changes at my company, which have had a pretty big impact on me personally. So when I am home at night, lately, I’m distracted by work and exhausted to the point of barely being present for him, even when I’m technically there. 2) We’ve had some personal stuff going on as well, which has also affected me and my ability to be as physically active with him at night/on weekends. 3) Bottom line is, he’s getting older and I’m working harder. He knows I’m not around during the week, and he wants his Mommy—all. the. time. He’s been much more vocal about that, and I explain every morning that “Mommy has to go to work,” which he understands but isn’t all too happy about. His needs are increasing at the same time that my professional life has grown more complicated and demanding. Those things do not jive very well.

Unfortunately I can’t change 2 out of 3 of those things. What I can change, or what has to change, is how I act when I am able to be home. I need to find a way to have more energy (and patience), and go back to compartmentalizing my professional and personal lives. I used to be a lot better at this, but when things got more complicated it got harder to separate everything out. No one ever said being a parent—or a working parent—was going to be easy. I know we’ll get through this rough patch, but of course I worry that I’m not doing my best as a mom for my child. I’m a working parent, that’s who I am, but I need to find a way to not let the most important job I have slip—and that’s being Preston’s mom.

I take his outbursts too personally, as you can see. One reason is, he doesn’t seem to have them as much when I’m not around. All last weekend when I was out of town—not a single tantrum. And our nanny says he’s never acted like that with her—though she’s experienced a taste of the hitting (which he usually saves for us). That one really kills me—I don’t know where he learned it, but it’s been a tough one to deal with. He doesn’t hit hard—it’s more like he’s hitting for our attention and reaction, so I’m trying not to give him one, but my natural instinct is to get upset with him for doing it, and put him in a time out. Hitting is something that will never be tolerated in our house.

How do you deal with the Terrible Twos? Do you use “time outs”? Do they work? How do you discipline a two-year-old? I carry this huge amount of guilt for having my own stuff going on, while he’s going through this big transition, and I wonder if I’m handling everything the right way. I know I need to have more patience, and not take it so personally, but sometimes it feels like some of his bad behaviors are simply because he needs more of his Mommy.  

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Talky talky talk talk talk aaaauuuggghhh

In the car, driving home from a restaurant where my kids ate exactly three bites of their $4.99 dinners, why do we even bother: 

PHILLIP: Grown up conversation! Grown up conversation! Grown up conversation!

MAGGIE: Grown up conversation! This is so enjoyable! I haven't experienced this all day long! 

JACK: MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOMMY.

PHILLIP; Grown up conversation! 

MAGGIE: Grown up conversation!

JACK: MOOOOOOOOOMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

MAGGIE: WHAT! WHAT JACK! 

(ed. note: perhaps that sounds like a harsh acknowledgment of a four-year-old requesting attention, but we were at the nine thousandth repetition of "MOMMY" so, you know, PATIENCE WAS WEARING THIN)

JACK: Mommy. I just wanted to say... 

MAGGIE & PHILLIP: waiting, in earnest, for this new piece of enlightenment

JACK: MOMMY!

MAGGIE: WHAT!

JACK: You weren't listening to me!

MAGGIE: I am going to throw my own self out of this car. 

Oh Internet. Can you believe there was a time when I was worried, like Anxiously Doctor-Prescribed Worried about whether or not this kid was going to speak? I was told he should be saying X number of words by 15 months, and he was saying something like -X number of words. I tried not to Go There, you know, where you start worrying about Diagnoses and Therapies and all that, but what's a first time parent to do when the doctor says, "and if he's not saying X number of words by 15 months, bring him in and we'll talk." Panic! 

Well, like most things, it seems, there was no need to worry. Talking, like everything else, came in its own due time and we had a really beautiful Talking Honeymoon. My kid said the sweetest, funniest, most charming things. And sometimes he still does. But now these little quips and anecdotes are coming at the speed of light, people. My ears! They bleed!

We get running commentaries on television shows, detailed descriptions of what he is going to draw for us, random memories of vacations past, soliloquies on the virtues of peanut butter vs. peanut butter tainted with jelly and speeches on every topic you can think of, and, of course, all of these bursts of brilliance require an audience. God forbid you are not staring right at him, eyes shining brightly, hanging on his every word. Don't you dare try to fold clothes or wash a dish or pick up crayons or, I don't know, EAT YOUR OWN LUNCH while the boy is trying to tell you something. Try that and you're going to be MOMMY'd to death. Seriously, just take it from me and pay instant attention. Your ears will thank you. 

My favorite, right now, are the Facts. Jack, as I've mentioned in this space before, is a big fan of non-fiction books and TV shows and the kid is now crammed full of information about deep sea creatures, the planets, the human body and whatever else he's decided he's an expert in that day. Unfortunately, not all of his facts are TRUE. They are, you know, Four-Year-Old Facts, meaning "these are true because I said so, and don't try to tell me otherwise Mommy, I don't CARE if you went to college." Of course, half the time I honestly have no idea if what he's telling me is true or not (English major! Do not speak Science!)  but I DO know that gibberish words are GIBBERISH and not names of cars or the biggest planet or what jellyfish eat. 

"But Mommy," he says prissily, "that's how I say it." 

WHATEVER, KID. Then I call my mother to vent and complain (and also tell the funny stories, like when Jack insisted it was Mt. REINDEER not Mt. RAINIER) and she says, "That's what YOU used to do."

I swear, having kids is like your parents' revenge on you, isn't it. 

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Tips for Fun Road Trips with Kids

As road-trippers go, the Thompsons are pretty much Grade A Elite Class Trippers.  This comes from a combination of factors.  First – Dan and I both have awesome parents who took us places and did things with us when we were kids.  Second – We moved far away from those parents and now need to visit them yearly with our kids, our gear and our many gummy treats.  Third – We rock a sweet mini-van that’s practically a home on wheels.

Every year we make one 28-hour round-trip pilgrimage to Billings, MT to visit my parents and one 28-hour round-trip haul to Salt Lake City, UT to visit Dan’s parents.  We must deliver unto them the grandchildren for the hugging and the squeezing and the filling with sugar.  This year we decided to shave off several hours of driving by taking two and a half weeks off work and driving in a triangle from Seattle to Montana to Utah and back home again.

A three-legged trip that includes nearly forty hours of driving with an 8-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a toddler is quite an undertaking, so I took it upon myself to brush up on my road trip skills.  I organized well and we actually had a great time.

My mom has taught classes on how to travel with kids and she used most of her ideas on me and my four siblings as we traveled around the US and Canada so I harvested some of my ideas from her.  Others came from a great site I found called Mom’s Minivan and others I made up myself.  Here are a few:

Mile Tickets – This was probably the single best idea I got this summer.  This one comes from MomsMinivan.com.  I gave the kids a baggie that contained tickets, one for every 30 miles of that day’s trip.  Then whenever we passed another 30 miles on the odometer they had to give me a ticket.  They could watch our progress in their baggie and they got really excited when they started running out of tickets.  This was the first trip that I haven’t been repeatedly asked, “HOW MUCH LONGER!?” 

Yoga at Rest Stops – When we got out of the car at rest stops, I led the kids through some basic and silly made-up yoga poses.  We did a little child’s pose, cat and cow, sun salutations, downward dog, and walk back to the car like a soldier with the highest steps possible.  It was really fun and we got a good stretch.  I don’t know much yoga but with the kids, I didn’t have to.

License Plate Map – I grew up doing license plate scavenger hunts with my family.  Moments where you find a plate from Rhode Island or Hawaii are about as exciting as you can get on a 4-week cross country trip.  I spiced the game up this time by printing off a map from MomsMinivan.com.  Laylee (8) had control of the map and when we’d see an interesting plate, we’d call it out and she’d color it in.  It gave her a little geography lesson, we got to interrupt her reading and force her to interact with us, and it was fun making her read back the state names with her crazy literal pronunciation.

Travel Coupons – I gave the big kids each an envelope with several coupons they could trade in throughout the day.  Pick the music on the stereo for thirty minutes, choose a song for us all to sing, ask mom to tell you a story, get a trip present, choose a treat at the gas station, play the DS, pick a movie, decide which game we play next.

Geocaching – You know I love me some geocaching.  Playing this game along the way makes it seem like more of an adventure.  We found a cache one night on vacation while we were waiting for a movie to start at a theatre.

Alphabet Game – We played several variations of this game.  You go through the alphabet naming things that start with the various letters.  Each person takes a turn.  Once we played it where you had to name something you could currently see that started with a particular letter.  Another time we played it where you had to name a person and a place and a thing that started with a particular letter.  Work through the alphabet and repeat.

Word Game – One person says a word and the next person has to say a word that goes with that word in common usage.  So, if Dan said “Bed,” I could say, “Room,” and then the next person could say, “Home,” as in “home room.”  This goes on until someone gets stumped.  It’s more for older kids because Laylee and Magoo’s version of “common usage” is quite hilarious.  Proper nouns and generic adjectives are not allowed.

20 Questions – I hope you know this one already.  I think of something and the rest of the family asks me yes or no questions to try and figure out what it is.  We never count how many questions have been asked and we ask, “Animal, Thing, or Plant,” instead of, “Animal, Mineral, or Vegetable.”

Bingo – Make and laminate bingo cards of things the kids may see along the road.  You can print off a few different types at MomsMinivan.com or make your own.

When you’re road tripping, make sure to relax and enjoy the time together.  How often are you all in a room together for a long period of time?  Be a little crazy.  Let things roll off your back.  Plan some unexpected surprises during the ride and don’t freak out when your kids have little unexpected surprises for you.  We will likely do this trip again soon so please share some of your road trip tricks and tips in the comments section.

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Wisdom from the School of Life

Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it
- Albert Einstein

In the "old days", the elders had a special role in people's life. Because knowledge back then was not the highest currency, what the elders could give their community was wisdom. Unlike knowledge, wisdom is applied knowledge, achieved after personal experience, experiments, trials and errors and often summed up as rules of living.

Much of our life today is dedicated to acquiring knowledge. School, where you spend about 13 years of your life, is a place that gives you knowledge. If you study a profession, you spend another 3 to 10 years of your life in a school of knowledge.

As an educator, I find most of this to be a total waste of energy. When I did my degree in Special Education, I took an amazing course named "Who needs school anyway?" You would think that the main idea is to teach us that school is the best thing and that everyone needs school, but our amazing lecturer allowed us to explore this topic from many angles. We all had to go and research what school is all about and in my research, I discovered that School was an institute that provided knowledge, but failed to give kids wisdom. School had forgotten its purpose.

For many years, educators have been struggling with the dilemma between wisdom and knowledge without proof and no one could win. I decided long ago that the only person I needed to prove which one of them is better was me, because the belief I carry with me into my personal and professional life is really what matters.

In my research about schools, I discovered that the real things school is able to give kids are beliefs about themselves and the world around them. Unfortunately, schools do a good job of giving beliefs even, but many of these beliefs are horrible. I discovered that while schools put most of their focus on knowledge and assessment, they forgot to raise creative, successful, friendly, healthy and happy kids that would grow up to be creative, successful, friendly, healthy and happy grownups who would contribute to their society. It had become an institute trying to pump kids with knowledge and make them efficient at spitting that knowledge out quickly and clearly.

How many times have you studied for a test and erased the subject matter from your memory as soon as you handed your paper in? Well, you are no different from most people. Does this mean you have the knowledge or maybe you had the knowledge and now it is gone?

Be happy. It's one way of being wise
- Sidonie Gabrielle

The good thing about the evolution of knowledge acquisition is that the technique of repetition-to-death has changed into looking for alternative ways to remember, which has made students try to implement their knowledge and develop more wisdom. If you learn by rote that 7 times 5 is 35, you have acquired knowledge, but if you use your Times Table knowledge to calculate the price of 7 packets of chips at $5 each (they are really big packets) at the supermarket in order to choose the cheapest product, that is being wise.

I am sad to say that many people are very knowledgeable but not very wise and this is mainly because many years of their life they have been given the false belief that knowledge would bring them success and happiness. It is a bit scary to find that your academic degree does not translate immediately into the degree of happiness in your life.

Many of my coaching clients are financially secure, "well educated", knowledgeable people. Some of them are working on their PhD and the reason they want life coaching is that something has happened that made them realize their financial and academic status have not brought them what they were looking for. Usually, they feel frustrated about it and say they believe that the school of life could have done a better job, and cheaper.

I tend to think that studying has given them something way better than a degree. It has given them skills and helped them discover their passions and abilities. Yet, they had to find those things "between the lines". Let's say you take a course and the facilitator says, "This is your assignment. Do it! I will test on it next week". Or the facilitator says, "Here is your assignment. Doing it will teach you this and that and help you develop these particular skills. You will be tested on how well you can use this knowledge, not on how well you can memorize my words. We will check how much you have grown from it as a person next week".

In which course do you think you would learn more? Which assignment would make you wiser?

Motivation is very old wisdom. Community elders of the past knew the dynamics of their group and used that to help their people grow, evolve, stay safe and be happy. They knew that it was not enough to bring a horse to the water, you have to find a way to make it drink.

I often hear about the lack of motivation at school, at home, at work and everywhere else. Life has become so stressful and the "wanting muscle" has become so weak that people feel like giving up. We cannot really blame them, of course, because they have not studied the art of motivation, so they cannot motivate themselves. Motivation, unfortunately, is not studied at school. Worse than that, it is not studied as a subject for pre-service teachers or in any teaching courses.

I believe that socializing agents, mainly parents and educators, must take a course in motivation if they want to be successful themselves and to teach kids successfully how to succeed in life. In the past year, I ran many professional development workshops for teachers and was shocked to hear that personal development, motivation and life skills were not part of what they studied.

One pre-service teacher said to me, "I have learned today more than I have learned in 4 years of my teaching degree on how to teach effectively and how to motivate my students to be the best they can be".

I asked him, "So what did you study for 4 years?" and he said, "I learned what to teach and how to discipline students".

Every time I finish one of these workshops and ask the teachers to tell me what they have gotten out of the workshop, I am shocked again to discover how much the system neglects values, attitudes and beliefs, which is what I call "education".

When I was at school, I had some teachers who sat on their chairs, leaned on their desks and read to us from a textbook. I hated school and was very bad in acquiring knowledge, so during most of my schooling, I said to myself, "Cool. No need to think" and never complained when a teacher did that. But when I started wanting to know and understood that knowledge was just part of acquiring wisdom, whenever a teacher read form the book, from notes or from slides, I was very upset. "Who needs you to read me the book? I can do that myself!"

I wished for that this style of teaching to be long gone by the time my kids got to school, but that did not happen. Easy living can be addictive sometimes and too many teachers and parents lack the courage to do things differently, choosing instead the easy way of conforming.

It was very sad to discover that universities were full of these. Eden comes home every day from courses in psychology and complains about the same thing, "She read from the slides again". Instead of motivating students to be curious and develop self-motivation to come to classes, to do their assignments, to read, to research, to learn and to collaborate, they use exams and want their students to spit out what the lecturer has said throughout the term.

School is supposed to be a safe, scaled-down kid version of life that allows children to progress slowly, but it is not. The difference between the school of life and the institute we call "school" is huge - one of them is open, evolving and teaches wisdom, while the other looks for the easy way to teach knowledge.

I have chosen wisdom. I have enrolled myself in the school of life and allowed the experience, good or not-so-good, to be my teacher. Here are my reasons.

While the school of knowledge is limited to a building, if you choose to study in the school of life, you can learn inside or outside.While it is very important where your school of knowledge is located, in the school of life, you learn everywhere. Sometimes, the toughest places can teach you the most.While the school of knowledge has hours of operation, the school of life is open 24x7.While the school of knowledge groups its students by their age, in the school of life you learn with and from everyone, young and old (often from your own kids).While the school of knowledge offers limited subjects of study - math, literacy and possibly science, art and music, the school of life offers an entire universe to choose from.While the school of knowledge will have you for 13 years and, if you are a "good boy/girl", it will have you for another 3-10 years, the life never stops teaching you.While the school of knowledge requires payment directly or indirectly (through taxes), the school of life is free. You pay with hard work, disappointment and pain, but receive credit through achievement, success and happiness.While in the school of knowledge, you are limited by learning from people who have a specific profession called "teacher", in life, anyone can be your teacher - young or old, stupid or smart, lazy or overachieving.While the school of knowledge tests you at the end of every topic, gives you another chance next term and rewards you with a score, the life tests you ever day, gives you unlimited chances rewards you with achievement, pride and happiness.While the school of knowledge serves political masters and serves their agenda, in the school of life, knowledge if fluid and influenced by time and evolution, adaptable and gives you the freedom to choose what you want to believe.

Remember, in life, there is much to learn and it never ends. Whether you have completed the school of knowledge or not, your happiness is up to you and the school of life is always open to help you to find it.

I wish you a good journey to wisdom in the school of life,
Ronit

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The "Light Thinking" Diet

You may have been on a diet at some stage in your life and your diet may not have been successful. If not, I am sure you know someone who has had this experience. Dieting requires a lot of effort and it is very frustrating when it does not produce big enough results or when the effects disappear as soon as you stop the diet.

I have always believed that fat was a result of heavy thoughts, because the mind is a powerful thing. Now, I have the research to back it up.

The show "You are what you eat" showed people they had full responsibility over what they ate. I think they can call it "You are what you think", because a recent research discovered that our thoughts have a direct impact on what we eat - we gain weight when we have "fat thoughts".

In recent times, "light" became a keyword for food shoppers. We are convinced that in order to be healthy we need to eat "light" food - no fat, no calories, no sugar, no salt, etc. Well, our body reacts badly to it. The more we try to be healthy, the harder it is to lose weight.

Why is that?

In a research done in Yale with the really cool name Mind over milkshakes: Mindsets, not just nutrients, determine Ghrelin response, participants were given milkshakes with 380 calories. Each participant was given the same 380-calorie milkshake on two different occasions - once, they were told that it was "The 140-calorie Sensible Shake" and the other time, they were told it was "The 620-calorie Indulgent Shake".

Their blood was sampled three times, 20 minutes before drinking the milkshake - this was the baseline - and twice more at the 60-minute and 90-minute marks. Each time, the blood test measured the gut peptide Ghrelin, which creates the feeling of hunger. The more Ghrelin you have, the hungrier you are.

The participants were also asked to rate their satisfaction and their answers were consistent with what they thought they were drinking. They rated the "Sensible" shake as 7 times healthier, but enjoyed the "Indulgent" shake much more and found it far more satisfying.

Surprisingly, those who believed their milkshake was the "Sensible" low-calorie shake also showed an increase in their Ghrelin levels, meaning they were hungrier after having the shake than those who thought they were drinking a 620-calorie milkshake. Their body agreed with their mind.

This research had some conclusions I think everyone should be aware of:

What we think about our food has a strong impact on our feeling of hunger and satisfaction.What we think about our food has a stronger impact on our body than the nutritional value of the food does.Over time, the thought that healthy food contains fewer calories makes people believe their food is not satisfying and they feel hungrier after they eat it.

(you can use them on yourself too)

Stop counting calories. Make sure your kids do not see you paying attention to calories. Counting calories may be a good technique for people to manage their diet, but if they believe their food is not satisfying, they want to eat more.Do not talk to your kids about dieting. Even if you are avoiding things or changing your eating habits, do not call this "a diet". The mind associates dieting with avoidance and with prevention of joy and satisfaction, which will backfire. Dieting only links bad feelings with food, which is a pleasurable and necessary part of life.Advertising low-calorie food as healthy can trick us into buying it, but it cannot trick our body into thinking it is good for us.Tell your kids their body is wise and will make them eat as much as they need. Teach them to listen to their body and pay attention to the signs of "fullness", "hunger" and "thirst". When we listen to our body, we notice when we eat too much.Teach your kids that every person is different and what is good for one may not be good for others, so they need to find what is good for them.Teach your kids the concepts of "balance" and "moderation". It is OK to eat junk food from time to time. It is OK to drink fizzy, colorful and sweet drinks from time to time. It is OK to bring take-away food home from time to time. However, moderation is the name of the game and most of their food should be nutritious.Continual dieting is a form of eating disorder. It is better to have kids who are a bit overweight than to create an eating disorder, which is much harder to fix later on. If your kids have to lose some weight, do not call it a diet. Present it as a new way of eating for the whole family. Dieting should never be seen as punishment (for eating too much or not eating "right"), so if you are not 100% sure a change of eating habits will do the trick, do not start.Teach your kids to enjoy food and not to be afraid of food. Food is not an enemy. Joy goes together with satisfaction. Sugar and fat cravings increase with stress, so when you are satisfied and relaxed, you do not eat too much.

Be happy. That is the lightest thought ever!
Ronit

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In Defense Of Poor Public Schools

I’m from New York, and though I am by no means from a family that had an abundance of cash, I spent quite a bit of time as an adult around people with money, privilege, and access, which means I’m quite fluent in snob—can see it coming five miles away, hear it all up and in between the lines, feel its hot sting sear like fire.

Occasionally, shamefully, I employ it, too. Sometimes when a snob gets on my nerves. Definitely when it comes to my getting what my girls need and deserve.

Such was the case when my husband and I moved our family from New Jersey, where we were zoned for one of the best school districts in one of the best education states in the union, to Georgia, notorious for being average, at best, when it comes to its schools. We knew from the second we decided to move here that we would move Heaven and Earth to keep our kids out of public school.

And for our first two years here, we did just that—sent our girls to an expensive Montessori school, turning our nose up at the public schools in our neighborhood. Test scores played a part in the decision. So did the trailer park some two miles from our house. And honestly, we’re African American northerners living in a conservative southern state where bumper stickers with Confederate flags seem to far outnumber those that read, “My Kid Is On the Honor Roll.” Sending my smart, chocolate, Yankee girls into what we thought would be a backwoods, Deliverance-styled educational experience wasn’t an option. Like, at all.

But you know what? That Montessori school that I thought would save my kids from educational mediocrity (which in our house equals education disaster), had issues. Our hefty tuition check and my work as room mom and on the PTA board didn’t stop my kid from being bullied, the teacher from sucking or the administration from being woefully unresponsive to my concerns. And when I started searching around for alternatives, a few of my friends insisted I look into my neighborhood school.

We did. And we were amazed by what we found.

No, the test scores weren’t the best in our area; they fell on average about 15 points below the schools across town. And the numbers of kids getting free lunch, in special education, and speaking English as a second language were high for our standards.

But when we visited the school, we got a much different picture from the one painted by statistics we gleaned from the internet; the stats hid the gem. Classes were racially, ethnically and economically diverse; the school wasn’t some drab, dreary, gray affair but a bright, warm place that felt like kids could be happy there; teachers, staff and principal were friendly and accommodating and eager to show us that they could hang with our girls; and everyone welcomed me to become a part of the fabric of their vibrant school. 

A few months later, our girls were sitting in their desks with teachers who were willing to give them work that challenged them, kept them excited, and was creative. They were fast-tracked into the school’s gifted program, where they could get extra academic attention. I worked as the room mom in both classes, volunteered in the library, made nice with the administration and happily helped my babies foster class friendships outside the school. 

In other words, our school ended up being quite a jewel. Not a perfect jewel. But a jewel nonetheless—one that we would have never embraced had we not showed up, pitched in and squeezed out every ounce of opportunity there for the taking.

Are there crappy public schools? Of course there are. But not all of them are broken. Not every test is horrible. Not every teacher is phoning it in. Not every rich district is better than the not-so-rich districts. And, despite the prevailing notion of people who gentrify the 'hoods with their mini vans and Starbucks lattes, not every family who doesn’t look like, speak like or come from the same background and circumstances as yours is educationally-challenged and blissfully ignorant about their kids' grades, test scores and ability to achieve. The non-snob in me knows this deep down in my gut. 

Public schools are what we parents make them.

And I’m glad we opened our eyes to this. 

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